ohh myyy goddd ,

i went to jasema enterprise just now to buy a few rujukan books since dah nk dkt exam and buku rujukan yg lama da hilang kot and mcm tak berfaedah pon yg tuu -.-
so yeah , i went there to buy new ones and yg lagi useful la kan ,

then suddenly my dad mcm , 'oh , how did you know buku tu keluar dkt pasaran ?'
and i was like 'whaaaaat ? :S'
then dia mcm 'mcm mana awak tau yg blablabla *tk dgr sgt '
then i was like 'duuuuuuuuuuuuuh , ckg semua tu guna :S , duh papa -.-'
then he was like 'oh , okay , blk nnt study til 3am , mcm main computer tuu'

OKAY , wtf is his problem ?
dia yg suruh org study and all then suddenly mrh pulak beli buku ni ?
WHAT THE FUCK ?
apa masalah doe , urghhh , dia yg selalu babble ckp 'oh , awak tak membaca , tak jadi pndi '
eee , then , what happens now ?
sumpah , mcm , eeeeeee , tatau la nk ckp apa ,
dia suruh i bangga kan dia la and all , now , I AM TRYING , to do so , cant you see ? or you just dont really believe that i can be more than you think i can ?

you dont have to compare me with my friends , YOU , dont know anything ,
ANYTHING ABOUT ME , NOR MY FRIENDS ,
then only thing that you care about is baby , baby , baby , baby , and the upcoming baby ,
which he tells , almost ALL , of his friends that i wanted to have a new brother/sister , which is SO UNTRUE , kalau boleh tanak pon ,
bila this baby lahir lagi lah ,

i am really trying to change okay , but if you're acting like this , how can i ?
haihh , even if its not my fault you will still shout at me and all
i cant stand this thing okay , please for once , try to understand me ,
*how i hope he's reading this shit

and the most unforgettable moment is , you called me STUPID , in front of a bloody electricianist-wtv-crap guy , kalau dkt rumah tu tak apa la , and it is because of a FUCKING IRON THAT YOU DONT EVEN USE FOR GOD'S SAKE ,
and i did cried at that moment , i feel like killing myself , oh my god , imagine your own dad pggl you stupid or bangang .
how does it feels ?

im not that stupid am i ? :/ kan ?

or maybe i am , 4th class over 8 , 3rd in the class over 36 , , yeah , stupid , VERY .
thank you for your kindness , or apa2 yg saya dah menyusahkan hidup papa ,
i really appreciate it and still respect you and still anggap you as my dad ,
thank you , and pleasee , do forgive me if before this ive ever hurt you or anything ,
thank you for not understanding me , thank you for every fucking thing .


it really really really hurt my feelings , you're here , or not , it doesnt make any diff.


<3



and now i really really need someone to talk to , to cry to ,
someone who undestands me ,
where are you when i need to talk to you ?
well , i dont even know whther you understand me or not ,
but right now , i just want to talk to you .